How my ‘side dish’ relationship saved my marriage

Happily ever after is half a lie. I believe the truth bit only happens after the two of you have given up your last breath, hand in hand after 50 years (or more) of struggling to stay together.

And indeed we were struggling to stay together. Just 6 years into our marriage, we had already agreed to separate. She couldn’t stand looking at me and daily I kept wondering what kind of demon had pushed me into making life-time vows with this woman. I still loved her and struggled to make her realize that. Despite her bitterness, she hadn’t changed much from the girl I had fallen madly for.

I met Esther through my sister at a neighborhood ‘born again’ church overnight. I had dropped by from club to honor a guy bet that the crazy wild me can enter ‘a’ church! I shouldn’t have honored that bet, you could say that was the first mistake before I jaw-dropped for her insanely devastating pretty face and her poise, her unique timid look and her visibly clear innocence. I had never met any girl like her…so natural! I still stand on the fact that to me, that was love at first sight…and I had to get her!

I wooed her for One and a-half years! Yes, that long. Rejection after rejection…trick after trick. I just kept trying, even when all my ‘vibing skills’ had run out completely. She, later on, compassionately managed to give in and we started our perfectly weird relationship, to which all hers and my friends were two hundred per cent opposed.

We were perfectly incompatible in so many ways. We were too different and shared way too little in common. She hated all my flashy rich friends and family, I was always disgusted by her simplicity and her ‘local’ church friends. She hated my wild ways; drinking and clubbing every other day, and I hated her annoying church ways, praying for everything! Yes, there were so many collisions because of our differences but our love was too strong and overriding…in the first few years. Later on, my ego, my friends, my stupidity and a number of other completely nonsensical factors made me the man that she would eventually choose to hate. And she showed it.

I was a nag; wanted to sleep with her whenever I wanted irrespective of her feelings, pinned her on every text message she received, accusing her of all kinds of evil things, things that I personally was guilty of, confronted her over the smallest humane mistakes, pushed her around and poked her often into random arguments. I was a nag because of my ego! May be something within me wanted her to be different rather than the quiet girl she was.

The more she showed me her anger; looking at me with disgust, pushing me away whenever I moved closer for a kiss, choosing her phone over our conversation and so much more, I felt neglected and small. I needed more. The love for her was now clouded by my desires to find better. The voices from my friends for a ‘side-dish’ grew stronger and stronger and stronger until i gave in.

I met someone else…

I met Winnie in a bar; the perfect place to meet a lover, for a man like me. We were an instant flame and hit it off from day one. It was intense and deep from the word go. When we hit the dance floor, our bodies connected like they’d known each other for 23 years. She knew me like I knew her. It’s like we had met before. She was my definite type…

Studied from Namagunga and could thus clearly relate with the “fumbler” that I am. She could relate with all my friends (and of course they ‘stamped’), my sisters adored her fashion style and got along so well with my mum so fast because; they were OGs and she was a Musoke, one of the most prominent families in Wakiso.Winnie was Catholic, open-minded and loved the bottle just like me. She was also a practicing lawyer and a consultant in law of economics. In contrast, Esther was a Senior Five drop out who hated; one of my biggest disappointments. With Winnie, I felt challenged…

I started working on all the projects that I had stalled because of lack of motivation from Esther including my marketing firm. I went into mushroom farming using her Seven acre farm as a model. I was moved by the fact that she had six rental apartments and a bungalow, which she wanted us to move into. I decided to save and also solicit some funds from Eddie, my older brother and built a two bedroom house in Seeta. She had so many high end contacts which she introduced me to, for the benefit of my marketing firm grew. Everything else grew; my social life – lost friends re-appeared, my bank account, career, my personality and my smile! And it was all because of Winnie. The girl who was exactly like me – me, Bonny, the man Esther wouldn’t get along with!


I decided to let Winnie move into my two bed room house but, exactly three months later I just couldn’t wait to kick her out! I couldn’t wait to run back to Esther and say sorry. She was the ultimate me…the worst nag and i couldn’t put up with this at all.

If you read through paragraph five, then you would understand! Yes, she did all that to me. And somehow she had this mentality that my success was heavily built on her and I thus, owed her so much. She ‘dictated’ things; wanted the house organized her way, wanted sex her way…daily, no texting at all in her presence (even if it were a client), no family members in the house because somehow, to her, they were super ‘local’, …you get the point. If I did otherwise, she would throw a fit; it would be a serious fight between us and she would bring out all the times that she has helped the ungrateful me. Oh yes, I had literally become Esther in this new relationship!

Daily, Esther’s shoes grew perfectly fitting on me. I could more than clearly, understand her anger, pushes, disgust, and discomfort around me because I was doing exactly the same. I now understood why Esther always wanted to take that evening walk and be by herself, because it was exactly what I needed often. I needed my phone more than Esther needed hers whilst with me, and not just because I wanted to flirt, but because I wanted a distraction from the constant hymns of complaints. Suddenly my matrimonial ring, hidden in the closet, became the sweetest desire…one I held closely as a love secret. I started looking at this ring more often with a new burning sensation and desire for Esther.

And that is exactly how my marriage was saved.

I wooed back my wife and indeed she made me pay for it with one and a half years of rejections and ‘senile’ vibing tricks to win her back. When she eventually let me in, we renewed our vows and most importantly our strong love. And having understood what it feels to be in her shoes, I was more careful and respectful.

We may never have it all but we have each other and am grateful.


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